html/css fatigue

ive been learning html and css for about 1.5 years now and im still learning new things all the time (i suppose it hasnt really been a long time anyway). since i started with my first site layout, ive changed my layout TONS of times in a year alone. it makes sense, im growing, my preferences change over time. but its exhausting never finally being satisfied with my work. im also busy with school so i had many hiatuses and basically every time i came back i would change the layout. thats exhausting!! i have a habit of comparing my creative works all the time and my site has been no exception. i just feel like im missing a bit of charm that everyone else has. that has made it very hard to make a nice layout and part of why the state of the styling right now is very minimal because it's easier to not compare myself knowing im not even trying, you know?

my perfectionist tendencies arent just because i want to make my site /look/ nice but also have best practice. i dont want a website that breaks if you try to put it in reader mode or if you try to navigate using the tab key. i care enough that its hard to get started because i dont just need to make my website have a nice layout, it also needs to be semantic and consistent and responsive and ahhhhhh. sometimes i wish i cared a little less, you know? plenty of indie websites dont do best practice but they have stunning layouts so its like wow youre torturing me with this horrible navigational experience where images block links and everything is encased in a div but hey hey heeyyy at least it look pretty??? this might secretly be a rant about how common horrible ux is on the indie web (not that professional level is expected but.. ahh idk) disguised as a rant about being tired of being dissatisfied about my own work. or maybe it's both, who knows.

maybe this should go under personal instead of tech... eh whatever it's webdev related enough. another big point of dissatisfaction for me is how much i struggle to learnt javascript. ive tried to start many many times and i think at one point i got decent progress in the odin project's course but honestly idk how much i was really understanding any of that. javascript would literally solve all the problems i have making layouts. tabs? no issue. lightboxes? done. i suppose i could use plugins and code snippets from elsewhere but sometimes they feel overcomplicated for what im doing. i also dont really have time to dedicate to javascript now because of school. hmmm wish i didnt waste my break but whatever the past is the past. anyway on one hand i want to have javascript so i can have basic functionalities like tabs or reusable layouts but i also want to make my site lightweight and not load so many scripts! i also want to make my site accessible to people who disable javascript!! (might stop caring about this and just say my website requires javascript tho) so i was thinking what if i learn php but ahh then i have to figure out how to use php on cloudflare pages (it's supposedly possible but ahh there's quite a few steps involved). also if i dont have time to learn javascript idk if i have time to learn php so uhh.

translation: UGHHHH I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF AND MY WEBSITE AND EVERYTHING I MAKE CAN YOU PLEASE VALIDATE MEEE UGGGHHHHH (＞︿＜) (＞︿＜) (＞︿＜)

don't get me wrong, i love this hobby and i makes me happy just to work on it. i want to learn more and i want to get better at it, both with semantics and with the creativity of my layouts. im just tired with how i keep redoing everything about my site. i dont even produce new shit anymore, every time i make a new layout im just importing all the old content and then i get tired of it before im even done!! i HATE IT. but i'll probably have to do it again once i have time to make a new layout and transition out of this one. AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ok bye